


keep calm and get your ho ho ho on

by breakfasttako



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Merry Christmas, Not all is as it seems, friday plays to win, two pining idiots supposedly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 05:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17359769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakfasttako/pseuds/breakfasttako
Summary: When Avengers and Co have two pining idiots in their midst, there's only one thing to do. Bet on their love lives. Obviously.





	keep calm and get your ho ho ho on

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bulmaveg_Otaku](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulmaveg_Otaku/gifts).



> This dedicated to Bulmaveg_Otaku for the 2018 ShieldShock Christmas Fic Exchange
> 
> I'm very sorry this is so, so very late. I have no excuses, only very poor time management skills. I hope you can except my sincere apology, and enjoy this. The last half of this fic gave me hell.  
>  

**November 27**   **− upstate NY restaurant**

 

Darcy adjusted the napkin in her lap awkwardly before taking another sip of her Whiskey Smash. She felt woefully underdressed in her leggings and Christmas sweater while sitting across from the ever put together Steve. His impeccable hair, neatly trimmed beard, and collared shirt a far bit more appropriate for the dimly lit restaurant setting. It was the kind of place with flowers on every table and a thick wine menu. Not that Darcy was all that preoccupied with her violation of any supposed dress code, while most of her brain space was being dedicated to making sure she didn’t give into the urge to crawl over the table and lick her way up Steve’s neck to the jawline of truth and justice his beard did absolutely nothing to obscure.

 

“Looks like it’s just us,” she said smiling uncomfortably at Steve.  

 

“Yeah, Tony’s not answering his phone.”

 

Refined as always, Darcy rolled her eyes. “I told Friday to shut down the lab at 7, and have him wash up to meet us for dinner. He called this ridiculous meeting for goodness sake.”

 

One perk of being lab manager was her override privilege in the labs. A hypothetical perk, because Friday hadn’t quite advanced to Jarvis’s levels of programming and Tony still had the ability to override her override. Friday also tended to malfunction for several days afterward. Darcy was convinced it was Tony’s retaliation for trying to herd him out of the lab, despite his insistence it was a hiccup in the AI’s coding.  _A hiccup, and absolutely NOT an error, thank you very much_ , he always made sure to emphasize.

 

Steve shook his head good naturedly. “You think he was just trying to get us out of his hair?”

 

“Ugh. Probably.” she said. Really, she should have known. The pair of them had been bothering him on behalf of their own causes. Steve trying to discuss Avengers business, and Darcy trying to get some requisition forms signed. She may or may not have used the paperwork as an excuse to go into the lab and sneak glances at Steve while he made his strategizing face. It had been a tad unprofessional manipulating her schedule like that, but forgive her, it did things to a girl when his eyes went all intense and focused.

 

“Well,” Steve said. “I think we can discuss the lab security without Tony, and send him the brief later.”

 

“Okay,” she said, nodding agreeably, and looking down at her menu. “Oh, wow this place is expensive.”

 

“I have my Stark card, and this is a business meeting,” he shrugged with a casualness betrayed by the mirth on his face.

 

“Well then,” Darcy said opening menu in a wide dramatic display across the table in front of her and shooting Steve a naughty grin. “You ever had lobster, Mr. Rogers? Because I’m curious what the fuss is all about.”

 

“It’s alright,” Steve said. “I prefered the Kobe beef short ribs last time Tony brought the team here.”

 

“Like a nice rack do you, Captain?” The innuendo slipped out before her brain to mouth filter could kick in to her absolute chagrin.

 

It was worth it though to see Steve’s beard hid his blush no better than his devastating jawline.

 

Thank God the server took that moment to approach them and take their order. The rest of their dinner meeting went much more professionally.

 

**Later November 27**   **− upstate NY restaurant parking lot**

 

“Is that Burger King?” Tony asked incredulously. “Where did you even get that? We’ve been here all night.”

 

Clint shrugged. “Steakouts are long and boring, gotta come prepared. You never seen a cop movie before? It’s all about the snacks.”

 

Tony glowered, adjusting his headphones trying to drown out the sound of Clint slurping his chocolate shake. The mic was picking up way too much ambient noise. His custom, newly developed, strategically placed bug was giving off a static feedback. He could hardly make out what Steve and Darcy were saying. That could only mean one thing. Sabotage.

 

“Natasha,” he grumbled.

 

“What?” Clint asked around a mouthful of fries.

 

“Someone sabotaged the mic.”

 

“Definitely, it’s hell on my bud. I turned off the sound, I’m just using the security cams now.” He pointed at the screen playing the footage he had hacked.

 

“I suspect Natasha. This is her handiwork.”

 

“Doubtful. We probably wouldn’t have any surveillance if she was involved.”

 

Tony let out a frustrated huff. “They’re actually talking about lab security procedures. What the hell is wrong with those idiots?”

 

“Chicken fry?” Clint offered the container to Tony.

 

He picked one up and munched on it poutily as he watched Steve and Darcy get up from their table and leave the restaurant.

 

“Give us the rundown on Operation Starcy, would you Friday?” Clint asked, picking up his earpiece.

 

The AI’s soft Irish lilt gave them the newest report. “Operation Make Starcy Happen Bow Chicka Bow Wow Attempt 11 status: mission failed. Mr. Stark’s 3rd failed attempt of the quarter leaves him out of plays until the New Year. The pot now sits at $4032.73 with Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson, Jane Foster, and Wanda Maximoff still in play.”

 

After many months of watching their two friends pine after one another, the Avengers and company had began plotting to get Darcy and Steve together. Considering the group’s competitive nature, it was inevitable their good intentions would evolve into a friendly wager on just whose ideas might be most effective. And what was a bet without stakes? Therefore, it was only logical each person would empty the cash in their wallets at each new attempt.

 

“Dammit, I’m gonna miss the Christmas triple score!”

 

“Fear not Sir, there’s always the New Year’s Eve bonus.”

 

“Yeah, if no one wins by then,” Tony said morosely chomping on another cold chicken fry.

 

**December 12− Avengers Facility gym**

 

Steve beat distractedly on the bag in front of him with abysmal technique. The bag swung back and nearly smacked him right in the face before he dodged it at the last second. Shaking his head, he tried to regain his focus for the third time in as many minutes. Across the gym, he noticed the cause of his distraction move in his peripheral.

 

Darcy was doing her Sun Salutation poses in leggings. It wasn’t the leggings causing interruption to his workout however. Darcy in leggings wasn’t unusual. He’d grown to equally appreciate and suffer through the sight of her stretchy pants framing her perfect ass. No, the interruption came from the fact that she had apparently forgotten to bring one of the usual oversized t−shirts she used while doing her yoga routine. Instead of donning one of the countless funny print t’s she seemed to own, she had stripped down to her sports bra when she came into the gym, rolled out her mat, and gotten on with it as if nothing were amiss.

 

Normally, he had enough trouble concentrating on his own workout when Darcy was in the gym. She would bend over and he would catch a strip of bare skin showing where her shirt had ridden up. He’d imagine he had the liberty to walk up behind her, touch her soft skin, slide his hands up her sides, and bunch her shirt up higher on her waist. He could keep his fantasies relatively tame most days. Today, it was down right impossible. Miles of bare skin, and a hint of cleavage he would give his left nut to bury his face in, on full display.

 

“Shit!” Steve yelped when a strong hand clamped down on his shoulder. He turned to see Bucky raising his eyebrows at him. “Why did you sneak up on me like that?”

 

“I called your name. Something distracting you today Stevie?” His friend said with a knowing grin.

 

“I’m done for today.” He grumped all the way to the shower.

 

Darcy wrapped it up shortly after.

 

Clint popped out of a vent in the ceiling upside down, a large t−shirt displaying the infamous lamp from  _A Christmas Story_ sliding down his stomach to his underarms, and flipped Bucky off. “Fuck you man. He was  _thisclose_ to snapping and just throwing her down on that yoga mat.”

 

Bucky’s grin widened. “My work here is done,” he said. He left the gym flipping Clint off over his shoulder as he went.

 

**December 24−Avengers Facility living quarters**

 

“Ooo, Spanx. Who’s the guy?” Jane said, from behind Darcy where she was zipping up her dress for her.

 

“No guy,” Darcy said. “I just want to look nice for my first Stark Christmas Party.” She and Jane had been preparing for the party for most of the afternoon. They’d been listening to their favorite early 2000’s pop singles and painting each other’s nail’s. Jane had even let Darcy give her a smokey eye look. It had eventually devolved into a _Brooklyn 99_ marathon during which they did their hair and their best Captain Holt impressions.

 

“What’s your White Elephant gift?”

 

“I can’t tell you,” Jane said.

 

“You can’t tell me because it will ruin the surprise? Or you can’t tell me because you forgot to pick one up?”

 

“I plead the fifth.”

 

“Mhm,” Darcy shook her head, and pointed under tree. “The one with the beach lounging polar bears wrapping paper. It’s a Donald Trump toilet bowl brush. His hair is the bristles.”

 

Jane giggled. “Thanks Darcy.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

“You’re tree is still ridiculous though.”

 

Darcy feigned offense and defended her little pink, plastic Christmas tree once again as she fluffed her hair in the mirror.

 

“Okay, now that we’ve got you all zipped in, I’m going to go put my dress on. See you at the party?” Jane said as she started packing up her straightening iron.

 

“You sure you don’t need any help with your dress?”

 

“I’m good. It’s a pullover with an empire waistline.” Jane said. “I plan to eat all of the fancy horderves.”

 

“Smart,” Darcy said. “I don’t know what possessed me.”

 

“Sure you don’t. There wasn’t anyone you had in mind when you decided to wear that little black, lacy dress, and borrow Pepper’s Louis Vuitton’s.” Jane said with a wink.

 

“Shut up!” Darcy said without any heat as she pushed her laughing friend out the door. “Don’t forget your perfume,” she called down the hall.

 

“I got a new bottle of Miss Dior,” Jane called back happily. It was her signature scent.

 

A few minutes later Darcy’s phone dinged with an email notification. Friday was sending her an automatic alert that Stark personnel was in the lab after closing hours. She’d set it up after coming in one too many mornings in a row to find Jane having worked through the night.

 

“But it’s Christmas,” she whined at her phone. The labs were closed, and all the good little scientists were supposed to be at home sleeping off their science binges, heading home for the holidays, or getting ready for the party. Those had been the only options Darcy had given them. Even Stark had agreed to the break.

 

**December 24−Avengers Facility science labs**

 

Darcy tried the yanking on the door for the fifth time. It was still locked.

 

“Darce, that door is reinforced with Stark’s cyberlocks,” Steve said from behind her. “That door isn’t opening until Stark smooths out whatever little glitch is going on with Friday.”

 

When she had gotten down to the labs, Steve had been checking out the malfunctioning locks from the computer bay. Not knowing the situation, Darcy had stomped into the lab in a huff and shut the door behind her all the while threatening whichever scientist had decided to violate the lab hours. Steve had jumped up from the computer he was working on to warn her just in time to hear the locks hiss and secure themselves in place.

 

Steve walked over to a distressed Darcy.

 

“It’s going to be okay,” he said.

 

“But the party,” she said, lower lip protruding in an adorable pout. “They’re going to be preoccupied getting all merrily tipsy and probably not even notice we’re missing for a few hours or even until tomorrow. And I really wanted to test out the giant chocolate fountain.”

 

“Jane−”

 

“Has bacon wrapped shrimp and Thor to distract her.”

 

“The ones with avocado?”

 

Darcy nodded.

 

“Okay, now I’m sad too,” he said.

 

“Friday, please let us out!” Darcy tried once more.

 

“I’m sorry Miss Lewis, I can not comply,” came the same response they’d heard every other time they’d tried.

 

“Call Tony and report it then.”

 

“I’m sorry Miss Lewis, I cannot comply.”

 

“Ugh!”

 

Darcy tried the eye scanner again, but only got another denial. Steve moved behind her, grabbing her shoulders when she started banging on the door. “Darcy, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself,” he said pulling her away.

 

Petulantly, she allowed him to guide her away from the door. He watched as she paced the office in her high heels. Allowing his gaze to follow the line of her pale, lean calves up to the flirty lace hem of her skirt that that hugged her plump−

 

He shook himself from that line of thought. That way lies madness. Over the next few minutes, Darcy seemed to calm down.

 

“Well,” Darcy said, “I guess it’s just you and me tonight Steve.”

 

“Sounds better than any party. Plus we’ve got decorations,” he said gesturing to the copious tinsel and twinkle lights decorating the lab.

 

Sappy as the sentiment was he was well rewarded for it. The wide, infectious grin that spread across Darcy’s face sent a warm flutter through his stomach. He couldn’t think of anything he wouldn’t do to see that look on her face.

 

“I haven’t had dinner yet. There should be some granola bars in my desk,” she said rummaging through her drawers a while later.

 

“Well, it’s no chocolate fountain,” Steve said picking up the previously discarded Christmas gift he had left near the computers he had been fussing with before Darcy came in, “but there are some Lindor truffles and movie snacks in here.”

 

Boosting herself onto the table behind her, Darcy sent him another charming smile, and reached out her hands expectantly with wiggling fingers. Steve laughed at her antics and made his way over to her.

 

“My hero. I’m starving,” she said ripping into the package.

 

Steve helped her open the snacks.

 

“These are my favorites,” she said popping a chocolate into her mouth.

 

“I know.”

 

**Later December 24−Avengers Facility science labs**

 

Darcy laughed around the Twizzler in her mouth. Steve had spent the last half hour telling her about the latest shenanigans of the Avengers. Sam and Bucky’s little prank war had escalated and now involved most of the team. She loved the gleam in his eye. His animated stories had made it easy to ignore the lab’s usual cold temperature at first, but she was trying not shiver now. A fight she quickly lost.

 

“You’re cold,” Steve said frowning. He removed his jacket, and draped it over her shoulders.

 

“Yeah, I’m done trying to be tough,” she said. “Could you pass me my present?” She pointed at the lab entrance where her Santa penguin gift bag sat. When Steve brought it over, she unwrapped the fuzzy panda knee highs she had brought for the exchange. She slid off the designer heels and replaced them with the warm socks.

 

“Better?” he asked.

 

“So much,” she said with a happy sigh. “You’re jacket’s pretty warm too.”

 

“Yeah, you know I run a little warm ever since the serum,” he told her bashfully.

 

“Oh my god, that’s right. Get over here.” she said dragging him in front of her by his biceps and wrapping him in a hug, and causing the jacket to fall off. “You’re like a space heater.” She nuzzled her cold nose into his neck. Steve tensed for a second before relaxing into the hug, and letting his hands run up and down her back.

 

“Darce,” he said, and she felt him tense again.

 

She pulled back to see what was wrong, and saw him glancing upward. He was staring at a hanging sprig of mistletoe. “Oh.”

 

He looked backed down at her. His eyes landing on her lips before making eye contact. “I wouldn’t want to be unprofessional,” He said leaning forward the slightest bit. His voice soft.

 

“No, but it is tradition,” she said matching his suddenly low tone.

 

“Wouldn’t want to break−”

 

Darcy cut him off with a gentle press of her lips against his. “No, definitely not,” she said pulling away.

 

Steve drew her back in. He sucked on her lower lip, before nibbling on it for a second. He kissed his way to her ear. “I’m not overstepping am I?” he said, punctuating the question with a soft kiss to the corner of her jaw.

 

“Hell no,” she said. She arched her neck as he sucked line of kisses down to her collar bone.

 

His hands made themselves busy. One played ghosted over the zipper on her dress, and the other rested on her sock clad knee, stroking his thumb back and forth over the panda ears.

 

“Iss soft,” he mumbled into her clavicle.

 

She didn’t know if he meant the socks or her skin. She didn’t really care as she sunk her hands into his hair and brought him back up into a searing kiss, and wrapped her legs over his hips. Her fingers had mussed his perfectly gelled hair by the time he pulled away, kissing the side of her head, panting heavily. She could feel the outline of his hardening dick against her thigh.

 

She leisurely dragged her nails over his shirt, down his back until she was untucking it. She felt him starting to work on her zipper. It came down in short jerks. His thick fingers having trouble holding onto the small piece of metal. At one point it got stuck as she sucked on his neck. She heard the seams rip when she bit down on the point where his shoulder met his neck.

 

“Sorry,” he said, his hand sliding into her dress to stroke her bare back.

 

Darcy couldn’t quite bring herself to care about the dress when he was finally touching her. If anything his eagerness made her wet. “It’s fine.”

 

His fingers slid down her back unclipping her bra before continuing on until they slid over her Spanx. “What?” His confused voice was adorable and muffled as she paid attention to his upper lip with her tongue.

 

“Oh. Ugh. My shapewear. It’s pure evil, but it makes me look good.”

 

“That’s not what makes you look good,” he said kissing the lace on her shoulder. He slid his fingers under the edge of her Spanx. His grip tightened and pulled before Darcy heard another another ominous tear. The sound sent another gush of warmth down her spine directly to her clit.

 

She pulled back, eyes wide as Steve’s hands made there way up her thighs and under her skirt. “Holy shit, Steve. That I’m not even mad. That’s just impressive,” she babbled as he slid the Spanx down her legs and somehow still leaving her socks in place.

 

“Do you have a condom?” she said, sliding her hands into his pants and squeezing his ass.

 

“Yes,” he grunted. He hurriedly reached into his back pocket. He set the foil pack down on the table next to her hip.

 

He stroked his way up her bare inner thighs and played stroked her now bared mons. He rubbed just above her clit. The pressure made her toes curl as he worked two of his fingers.

 

She was nearly coming undone for a second time by the time he unzipped his dress pants and put the condom on.

 

“Yessss,” she said as he pressed inside of her, gripping her ass and using it to pull her against him.

 

She secured her thighs over his hips and pulled him in deeper. She held onto him with all four limbs as he started moving.

 

**Later December 24− outside of the Avengers Facility science labs**

 

Their friends had finally realized Steve and Darcy were missing when they drew numbers for the White Elephant gifts and had two extra numbers left over. A quick investigation had lead them to the labs. Darcy and Steve were sheepishly standing on the other side of the door with messy hair and rumpled clothing when Tony finally got the lab doors open. Darcy was using Steve’s jacket to hide the gaping backside of her dress and still wearing her fuzzy socks.

 

Their friends all gawked at them for a moment.

 

“What is this,” Tony said breaking the silence. “Who did this?!”

 

“Operation Make Starcy Happen Bow Chicka Bow Wow Attempt 14 status: mission success. Friday’s 1st attempt. Team FriDar take home the jackpot for $14634.90.” Friday chimed.

 

“What?”

 

“Friday clued me into your little bet. We teamed up,” Darcy said.

 

Steve blinked down at her. “Seriously?”

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry, babe. I know we agreed we’d keep our relationship private at work, but you know we were going to break the rules sometime. This way we get something out of it. I’ll take you to dinner to make up for it.”

 

“Wait you guys are already together?” Clint said.

 

“Yeah,” Steve said, wrapping his arm around Darcy. “For about six months now.”

 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” “Foul play!” “You assholes.” Their friends all spoke at once. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos if you liked this story.  
> Comments make my day, so if you have a second please leave a few words.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awa87mmCKpM
> 
> Panda socks:  
> https://jukustore.com/products/kawaii-fuzzy-thigh-high-animal-stockings-6-variations-ju1834?variant=12604755181656&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping&cmp_id=1023556527&adg_id=51082751420&kwd=&device=c&gclid=Cj0KCQiA1NbhBRCBARIsAKOTmUvzVg7VrEUQ3Bvhb5BqHYBmFCcorx20Fa1uxWW_5u4k80pntybfY04aAt5tEALw_wcB
> 
> My tumblr updates are sporadic and mostly food, fandom, and quotes. Please come say hi :)  
> https://breakfasttako.tumblr.com/


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